*Sigh**
Not a good day. I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!
Maybe I was finally good in covering up what I really felt. I wanted to cry a while ago but I can't. I won't. Before, I easily breakdown to my friends when I feel bad but I don't want to do that anymore because I think they don't have to hear my rants.I know most of my rants are insignificant to other people and besides what happened already happened diba? There's nothing else they can do... we can do...

First stop... I slept at 230 am, decided to wake up at 530 ( I'm sure I set my alarm clock and cellphone) because I didn't finish reviewing my notes but ended up waking up at 7:15 -- fifteen minutes before our exam. Gosh!! I really hate myself!! Ok,, I'm not really used with that kind of sleep wake cycle so that may explain why I was not able to wake up early (maybe I was still too drowsed at that time to unconsciously set the alarms off). Good thing I was able to take a cab (w/c I wouldn't do under normal circustances because it's too EXPENSIVE) and came to school just in time. BUT THAT DIDN'T MATTER. I HAD A HARD TIME WITH THE EXAM. Did I mention that we had to answer 200 items? Believe me, its no easy task...

Next class group study session (meaning we have to discuss on our own the designated topic). Our professor got mad because we weren't prepared and probably we look like we don't care or didn't have a bit of interest/enthusiasm to do our work.

He's right about that, I admit. He really has a good intention -- I know, we're all college students and we study at this prestigious school as they may say it, and we should live up to that. We should give the best we can, achieve our fullest potentials.

I know that and I am for that also..believe me.. and it hurts more badly when I know I'm not doing my best.. As they say, the greatest sin you commit is when you already know its wrong and yet you continuously does it. I know I have to study hard. I know I have to be my best. But I'm always falling into earthly temptations.. It's hard for me to give up watching t.v, to do other things such as this blogging thing, it's hard to focus with my studies because of the unessary things that occupy my mind.
(I have to stop this.. learned helplessness...)

So there.. he got mad... and said that if we weren't prepared we shouldn't have gone into his class. I have nothing against that.. If I were the teacher I'd do the same and probably worse. But we didn't defend ourselves (Probably they thought we shouldn't and we don't have the right)but I think he should know that we could have been more prepared if not for the hectic day we had today. 1) OUr exam -- it's a sixunit course, and our exam today has a wide coverage and besides IT'S REALY DRAINING (physically and ego wise). That could explain why we weren't in the mood to do anything else, we still have the hangover from our exam. 2) Our other classmates also had their exam for another subject -- although I don't know if it's also hard but they may be also drained.

What's bugging me now is that, should we really not have told our reason? Is the "there's no reason for not being able to do your work because you just have to have proper time management and you'll surely finish them all" apply here? Would he get offended and get more angry if we told him about our exam? Good thing, he seems more ok towards the end of the session.. as I said, he said what made him mad and why he has the right to be.. and of course he REMINDED US OF OUR RESPONSIBILITIES AS STUDENTS, more specifically, as college students. Even grown ups need to be reminded right?

Last stop... the results of one of our exams went out.. I passed overall but I know I could have done better. I think I've studied enough but the results showed it's not. I failed a part that I thought I was doing ok...

So that's just my day... frustrations... disappointments...

At least I'm successful... What happened didn't take over my system, no crying (until the time I'm writing this). I even was on my good mood a while ago and tried to forget those stuffs.

But still I'm so frustrated. I know I have to move on but at this moment, I'm afraid to touch my stuffs. Parang masasayang lang...

It's been a while since I last made a real entry and it's not that I don't have time because even if I have tons of school assignments, I would still allot time to check stuffs in the net. It's just that I can't get anything out of myself. I feel numb.

I wanna be alone. I don't want to even be with my closest friends at school because it seems I feel tensed and uncomfortable. I can't have fun even when I'm with them so I better make myself distant for a while so I won't influence them with my mood.

I don't feel anything too bad actually, but neither do I feel happy. That's the problem. It's like I would like to dig something within me that I really couldn't reach to and so maybe the thoughts are cut and so my mind just roams to nowhere. (I also easily get irritated now, but good thing I'm not good in expressing those kinds of feelings so the people around me know nothing about it)

Blank...

I want him here. Why did I let the time pass without showing what I really feel?

I wish he would just show himself at our door, surprise me at school, even just drop me a call...

I need to hear his voice...

I miss him...

Good Morning!
Mood:  caffeinated
It's monday again! And it would just be approximately 3 and 3/4 months before summer vacation comes!

It's quite a good morning for me as you might have guessed. First, my 7:30 class is cancelled for today so it means I would just go to school at 10. It also means that I could go here (to our 'dorm'/'apartment', whatever) to do anything I want (suppossedly studying but here I am blogging).

Another thing, I had a good cup of coffee, my vice, Starbucks. Yup, I'm one of the victims of the quite expensive coffee houses. Their frap became an instant hit to me(well, I have a sweet tooth really and I also love all sorts of shakes from fresh fruit shakes, to the high calorie Shakey's milkshakes, to Zago/Shago/Orbits pearl shakes....). Who could also resist Starbucks when I could see one everywhere I go (just like McDonalds)? Well, I consider it a vice but I usually buy only as a form of self-reward for a week long stress from school(just like shopping?).

So, I better cut this now... I would still transcribe our previous lecture

Good Morning!
Mood:  caffeinated
It's monday again! And it would just be approximately 3 and 3/4 months before summer vacation comes!

It's quite a good morning for me as you might have guessed. First, my 7:30 class is cancelled for today so it means I would just go to school at 10. It also means that I could go here (to our 'dorm'/'apartment', whatever) to do anything I want (suppossedly studying but here I am blogging).

Another thing, I had a good cup of coffee, my vice, Starbucks. Yup, I'm one of the victims of the quite expensive coffee houses. Their frap became an instant hit to me(well, I have a sweet tooth really and I also love all sorts of shakes from fresh fruit shakes, to the high calorie Shakey's milkshakes, to Zago/Shago/Orbits pearl shakes....). Who could also resist Starbucks when I could see one everywhere I go (just like McDonalds)? Well, I consider it a vice but I usually buy only as a form of self-reward for a week long stress from school(just like shopping?).

So, I better

Another blog site
Mood:  vegas lucky
For about a month now, I haven't been able to sign-in to my blogger account in my computer here in Manila (dorm). It's my fault actually. I tried to trouble shoot my other problem with the site but I ended up making it worst. So now I only get to blog when I go home or when I go to an internet cafe.

Good thing, I knew about this tripod blogsite because of one of my professors. I actually tried to have an account with other bloghosts but their system don't really work for me. I Hope this would.